i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
