he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
