Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
