Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
