One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
