Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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