Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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