i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Fuck appropriateness.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
