So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
