just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
In America we eat man semen.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
