I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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