and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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