Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
