i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
