I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
