my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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