if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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