moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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