i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
