it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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