I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
