I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
