so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
