Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There r osticjed everywhere
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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