weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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