Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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