never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
