sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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