Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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