Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
