if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
