i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As shirtless as possible
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
