I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
