Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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