Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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