I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
