just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i now understand why vodka
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
