Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Randomize
