She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
