Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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