It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
