ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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