Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
