Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
