sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
