did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
