I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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