I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
