Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
