It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We had sex on a dog bed..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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