She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
