Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
