Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
