I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
