**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
