Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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