I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
