You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
