this beer tastes like vomit already
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
pray to the hookup gods
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