I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
bring money and cleavage
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
